From one unit to a family unit
Alumnus Michael Dalman discovered a passion for supporting foster youth from a one-unit leadership course at SDSU. Years later, he and his wife Mary are devoted foster parents.
Earlier this year, San Diego State University alumnus Michael Dalman (’18) and his wife Mary were delighted to welcome three more children into their home. It was their second time as foster parents, coming on the heels of caring for a newborn baby for more than a year.
This time would be a bit different.
The Dalmans had asked to foster a sibling set, knowing the difficulties siblings face when split up across different households.
“Kids who get removed have lost pretty much everything,” Michael said. “They've lost their parents, their home, their neighbors, sometimes their school. At the time, we had an empty house. We realized we had an opportunity to keep a sibling set together.”
They got their wish as the siblings — ages 6, 9 and 13 — were placed in their home in March.
At first, Michael was filled with ambitious ideas about helping the kids explore their identities and discover purpose in their lives. He quickly realized he would have to start a little further down Maslow's hierarchy of needs.
They needed nutritious food. Enough sleep. Stability. Safety.
“The radical change in these kids has been so cool to watch,” Dalman said. “To see the way their brains are healing — suddenly they hold themselves differently. I didn't see them smile for the first two months. Now I can't get them to stop.”
The Dalmans’ motivation to foster comes from a couple of places. As Christians, Michael said they are inspired by the example of God as “father to the fatherless.” But his experience at SDSU also helped plant the seed.
More than one unit
As a chemistry major, Dalman was immersed in the sciences, and he still is today. He currently works as a sales engineer at the startup Snorkel AI in his hometown of San Diego.
But SDSU’s Leadership Studies Program, which is designed to develop self-aware, culturally competent and transformational leaders, also had a major impact on his life.
“It filled in a ton of gaps to give me a much more holistic idea of what leadership is, practically,” explained Dalman, who minored in leadership.
Added Lisa Gates, director of SDSU’s Leadership Studies Program: "Michael's story offers a powerful example of the long-term impact of this SDSU leadership experience. Our SDSU students have an impact in the San Diego region while they are enrolled here and it's so gratifying to see how those values play out many years later.”
For Dalman, the experience included the 1-unit community service course LEAD 307, which is taught by Senior Associate Vice President of Student Affairs and Campus Diversity Randy Timm and Michelle Bailow, who runs Tutor Connection, a San Diego County Office of Education program that provides tutors to current and former foster youth.
As part of the course, Dalman was assigned to tutor a student once a week for the semester. At first, he admits he was scared and intimidated. But after he was paired with a high school student, those fears melted away.
“It was really cool just to do life with her for two hours a week,” he said. “I went from thinking that being a foster parent was a cool thing that people do to thinking 'If I were to become a foster parent, it would be really fulfilling.’ That experience of tutoring and bonding with the student was really fulfilling.
“It became much more personal for me.”
Meant to be
If SDSU got the ball rolling, things picked up speed when Michael met Mary. The two felt a deep connection immediately — one that only deepened during an early phone conversation when Mary asked him how he felt about fostering. Michael was stunned.
“I was like, ‘Who put you up to this?’ Michael recalls, laughing.
It was no prank.
“Even before our second date, we had already talked about how this would be a really great way to honor God, honor our community and take care of our neighbors,” he said.
Recently, the Dalmans received the good news that Mary is expecting.
“I like to say, this is going to be our fifth kid, but our first pregnancy," Dalman said.
It all just feels meant to be.
Recently, Dalman was sitting at his kitchen table across from the academic tutor, making small talk. He started asking questions about the lesson plan and the program. As the young man answered, a light bulb went off. It all sounded familiar.
“Wait,” he asked. “Are you with the Tutor Connection?”
He was.
“The program kind of came back around and found me again,” he said.
