Thriving as a student parent: Alexis’s story

Thinking back to her childhood in Barbados, Alexis Primo remembers herself as introverted and introspective. She didn’t have many friends her age, leaving time to ponder deep thoughts.

"I've been trying to figure out my purpose since I was 10,” she said. “I would lay down and look at the sky and look at the clouds and just think about it."

Now a child development major at San Diego State University, Primo still isn’t sure exactly what her future holds. But her purpose is no longer a mystery.

In fact, she’s already living it.

Primo is taking five courses at SDSU all while pursuing an additional associate degree in philosophy at San Diego Mesa College. She also serves her fellow students at the SDSU Women's Resource Center (WRC), leading its Pregnant and Parenting Students Initiative.

Outside of school, Primo is a devoted mother of two who makes ends meet as an academic grader. She is also a community organizer for the San Diego chapter of Parent Voices, a statewide nonprofit that empowers parents — particularly those receiving government assistance — to become self advocates.

She’s passionate about the work, because she’s walked in the shoes of the people she supports.

“A lot of people think that it's just automatic that when you start a family you'll have it all together and have things in place, and if you don’t you're stereotyped,” Primo said. “It was hard for me to ask for help because I felt like I should know it. And then I'd go on Instagram and see people post all these amazing family things. 

“I used to feel down on myself — but this is my own journey.”

Inspiration

Born in Guyana, Primo was raised by her adoptive great grandmother — a woman she lovingly knew as Auntie Joyce. Primo’s biological great grandmother had died in childbirth and Auntie Joyce was a community member who for generations helped fill the void.

"She raised my grandma, then my mom, then me and my siblings and then everybody in the neighborhood and their kids,” said Primo, who moved to Barbados for high school and college. “She was like a community Auntie."

Primo took a similar path after immigrating to the U.S. in 2010. She got married in 2012, became a licensed childcare provider and opened her own in-home daycare for infants and toddlers in 2014 and welcomed her children Ethan and Zara in 2018 and 2019.

Things were going well until the COVID-19 pandemic hit and forced her business to close. Then her marriage ended and she became a single mom.

It was a low point that left her feeling unmoored and consumed by darkness.

“I was thinking, ‘OK I'm a parent now, but also I'm a failure,’” she recalls. “I got really depressed. And I thought that there's got to be more moms and dads out there that probably feel down and probably want to know what to do. 

“I decided that when I figure it out, I'm going to share it."

Reclaiming her purpose

Primo returned to school in 2022, a decision that transformed her life. She started in the child development and business management certificate programs at the San Diego College of Continuing Education (SDCCE). She had earned five certificates by the time she graduated in 2023, and was selected as the college’s commencement speaker.

"That was the starting point in me believing that I could be a mom and I could have a life and figure it out,” Primo said. “Before I could even do anything, I really had to believe that I was somebody. I was continually trying to prove that to myself.”

And 2024 brought another banner year. She earned three associate’s degrees from Mesa College, transferred to SDSU and became a U.S. citizen.

That’s not to say everything has come easily. While at SDCCE, Primo had to do her homework at night sitting in her car so she could concentrate — all while keeping one eye on a monitor to make sure her two kids were safe. She’s since moved into a larger place with more privacy.

Throughout it all, one thought kept occurring to her. 

"How do other parents do it?"

With support from the Mesa College community, Primo recently raised funds to launch the Joyce Hamilton Memorial Scholarship for Parenting Students at the school.. Named for Auntie Joyce, the scholarship awards two stipends each spring to help parents furthering their education afford such things as diapers and doctor visits.

In her role at the WRC, she connects SDSU student parents to resources and campus allies. She also recently launched student parent support group workshops at Mesa and SDSU that she’s working to expand and establish as a 501(c)(3) nonprofit.

One day in February, she met with a young student at the WRC who was experiencing life challenges that Primo found familiar.

“She was lost,” she said. “You could tell she was trying to put the puzzle together and talking about how no one believes in her. And I saw my younger self. I just gave her some cash that I had on me and my number because she didn't have anything. To be in that space, in the right time to be of assistance …”

She pauses, deep in thought.

“I just want to help as many people as I can."